The doctor walked me through the medical stuff about my injury. And she’s continuing to do that. I’m calling next week to schedule an MRI because my gut – along with the not healing and not feeling right – is telling me it’s more than posterior tibial tendonitis. I do tend to overreact about things, so I HOPE I’m overreacting about this and that I’m wrong. I’d love to be wrong on this.
The physical therapist is walking me through the physical strengthening and healing stuff about my injury. And I really am so grateful to have learned of these major weaknesses and problem areas that exist. It’s good stuff and I know it will make me stronger and healthier eventually.
But none of these professionals have addressed the emotional stuff associated with my injury and how I can deal with it. Because here’s the reality: The last month I’ve just been beyond sad. If I had to self-diagnose, I’d say I have “situational depression”. I wake up each morning and just want to get through the day. I miss starting my day with my run. I have zero excitement for anything. I feel sad. I feel mad. I cry all the time. I feel pessimistic and worried about whether I’ll ever be able to run again, let alone another marathon. I feel fat and out of shape. I feel unmotivated. I feel jealous and mad about everyone else who can run. I literally say “Lucky” every time I drive by a runner. I get ANGRY when I see people bitch about a “bad” run. At least they are running. I feel frustrated and like it’s going to be hopeless and I’ll never recover. And I miss running so so so much. And then I feel guilty for feeling all of this when there are people that have REAL problems and would give anything to have their worst problem be that they can’t run.
So thank god for google. Because there is a lot of stuff out there about the mental and emotional impact of an injury on a runner/athlete. Bottom line – at least what I’m feeling is normal. And there is a lot out there that I think I could incorporate into my routine and my thought process. But I DO need to get over it and change my attitude to a positive one because everything I read indicates that having a positive attitude promotes healing. Easier said than done.