I’ll be ok with not getting in Boston this year. Really!

Warm Fuzzy of the Day:  I was told by a marine that I could probably kick-ass in a marathon against most of the marines that are here at this conference. (I’m at Toys For Tots conference where the ratio of marines to civilians is about 10:1.  They all LOOK fit, but they don’t look particularly fast!)  This may be true, but I’m pretty sure that every single marine here, and probably most of the other civilians that are here, could beat me at my less than stellar pull-up abilities.

Weak!

I should be down at the bar drinking more with the marines, but instead I stopped after 2 beers and went up to my room at 9:00 to drink lots of water and go to bed early so that I can get my last long run (16 miles) in before Twin Cities.  Good girl!

*******

I’m AMAZED at how many Boston spots are still open.  If the talk on the internet is right (and I think it is), there are just over 15,000 spots filled for Boston.  Field is probably about 27,000.  I’ve heard different things about how many are charity runners, but most people say about 5,000.  Which means the qualified runners will be about 21,000 – 22,000.  Which means there are potentially still 6,000 – 7,000 spots for the runners that qualified by less than 5 minutes when registration opens for that group on Monday.  Woot!  That’s me!  With being -19 seconds under my BQ time, I’m in a better position than the peeps that are -18 through +59 (they are still taking +59 second qualifiers this year).  But I’m still not confident there will be enough spots for me.  There are so many people, like me, that just barely qualify and fall within this group that can register Monday.  And most of these people probably WILL register, because it will be their first time qualifying, they won’t make it next year (when the standards drop by 5 minutes), and because it will be just my luck that they will all register and shut me out!

And I will be PISSED and FRUSTRATED and CRABBY if I don’t get in (we’ll know between September 24 – 28th).  But part of me will be ok with it if I don’t get in.  Yes, you read that right.  Part of me will be ok with it if I don’t get in to Boston this year because I don’t feel like I deserve it.  Now before you start thinking:  “Cindi, quit with the putting yourself down and negative talk”, let me explain.  I know that I deserve to be at Boston because I am a kick-ass runner (after all, I could beat a bunch of marines!) and because I train harder and better than many many people.  And I know that I deserve to be at Boston because technically I have met the BQ standards and they are BQ standards for a reason – they are hard to meet!  And I know that I deserve to be at Boston because I want it SO badly (and have for the 3 1/2 years I’ve been running marathons).

So I know for all those reasons, I deserve to be at Boston in 2012.

So why will I be ok if I don’t make it this year?  Because I don’t yet have the one thing that virtually everyone who BQ’ed and will be at Boston in 2012 has.  I don’t have a true “Holy-crap-I-just-BQ’ed-and-ran-the-race-of-my-life” experience.  Like Kristy just had at Lehigh Valley Marathon last weekend.  Like a friend of mine’s husband had at Grandma’s this summer.  Like pretty much everyone has when they BQ.

Me?  My BQ race was very anti-climactic. I didn’t even know if I had BQ’ed because I was so close to the wire that the clock time said “no BQ”, but my garmin said, “maybe a BQ”.  And the only reason that this was “maybe a BQ” was because when I ran it (in Oct 2010 at Twin Cities), the rules still said that the qualifying race window was like 18 months, so that race would count in 2012 and in the mean time I would turn 40, so that bought me 5 extra minutes.  But the time that I got in the race was still 5 minutes slower than the time I was aiming for, my “real” BQ time based on the age that I was at that time (39).  So at the finish line when I got my 3:49:41 there wasn’t any jumping up and down screaming that I got a BQ, there wasn’t any excessive celebration, etc.  Even though it was my best/fastest marathon, it wasn’t a celebrate-going-to-Boston-BQ type of marathon.

And, as crazy as it sounds, I want that.   I want that feeling of knowing I just had the kick-ass race of my life and that because of that, I deserve to go to Boston.  Then I think I’ll deserve to go to Boston.  Ya know what I mean?

Having said all this, don’t be thinking that I’m gonna do anything dumb like not throw my name in for Boston on Monday.  Because if how bad you WANT to go to Boston was the criteria on which they admitted people, I’d be in for sure.  It’s out of my hands now.  I’ll be there some day.  Hopefully sooner than later.

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3 Responses to I’ll be ok with not getting in Boston this year. Really!

  1. Kristy says:

    i completely understand what you mean (not saying i agree with you but i do understand). how about having the race of your life at boston in 2012?

  2. Pingback: Rejection! | Runnin' From The Law

  3. Pingback: A PR and a BQ! | Runnin' From The Law

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