44 today. The day was filled with my favorite things: donuts, a run (only 3 miles, but I’ll take it!) birthday cake, Meghan, Carter and an afternoon of reading a trashy novel. So peaceful.
I have to say, though, that even though I’m grateful to be running at all, I miss marathon training. I looked back to previous birthday posts on the blog and was doing a 16 mile or a 20 mile birthday run. I really really really miss that. I know I need to be patient and I’ll get back there. But I miss it.
Hanalei Bay – seriously the most amazing beach I’ve ever been to
Have you ever run across something – a word, a passage, a poem – that just strikes a perfect chord with you? Something that just resonates with you and perfectly fits with your universe?
I recently did. I wandered into a quaint jewelry store in the loveliest little town that I’ve ever been in – Hanalei, Hawaii – and stumbled across a pendant with the Hawaiian word “I Mua” on one side and “Move Forward” on the other. I Mua means “move forward” in Hawaiian. The necklace had the following passage on the box:
I Mua. Move Forward
*Never Look Back*
The current moves in the opposite direction. The wind howls. To get home, there is only one way to paddle, one thing to do.
Love, love, love it, for so many reasons.
My trip to Kauai was heavenly. At the same time it was also filled with some challenges that have, upon reflection, made me more certain than ever that I’m moving forward in right direction.
Me and Scott – so thankful for all that he is
I’ve blogged a bit about this before. But it bears repeating. There is SO much information out there about running injuries and how you get them, how they suck, how you treat them, how you return to running after them, blah, blah, blah.
But there is virtually nothing out there about the mental and emotional part of being injured and not being able to run. There should be. Because I think injured runners – or at least me – need information and help with it.
Here’s what I’m feeling – all rolled up in one big giant stress ball: ANGER. Sadness. Loneliness. Jealously. Frustration. Guilt (really? I’m whining about not running, when there are people who have serious problems?). Hopelessness. Loss. Did I mention ANGER?
For the very first time today I let myself consider the possibility that I might just need to find something else to replace running. I might just need to accept that I’m done. And I feel so sick inside about it. And then I feel sick inside for feeling that way – it’s just running, right? I should count my blessings and just move the fuck on, right? (Sorry Mom).
I LOVE this! I hadn’t heard of GK Kingsley until I saw this poem, but he writes some really cool and insightful things.
This poem is a reminder that I needed right now that the road to running recovery isn’t going to be straight. There may be little set backs or detours along the way to being healthy. I need to not freak out and let the set backs get me down, so I can move forward. Even if I have to first move backwards or sideways.
In keeping with this week’s theme of taking care of myself, and to celebrate my return to running, I just registered for something that is super exciting. A Women’s Running Retreat with Kara Goucher as head coach!
My non-running followers will probably read this and think, “you just paid almost $800 to go to the middle of Wisconsin and run for an entire weekend???”
My running followers will understand how exciting and fun this will be! A weekend long retreat, with 60 women, filled with seminars and group runs, coached by Kara Goucher, Adam Goucher (my BFF), Katie McGee, Janis Klecker and Barney Klecker (admittedly, I didn’t know who the later three were, but their credentials look impressive). Dinners and fireside chats with the coaches and other runners too. (I wonder if they allow wine? Or if I’ll get kicked out of camp if I smuggle in a bottle of cab?). The date of the weekend worked out perfectly for me. And the location, in northern Wisconsin, should be an easy drive from the Twin Cities.
I’m sure after a weekend with Kara, I’ll be super speedy and have a six pack like she does.
Since I won’t be ready in the fall to run a marathon yet, this will be the next best thing! Wheee!